The Jamboree

Hello, I'm Dr. Ronald Chevalier

2008-08-18T07:53:00.001-07:00

Viral marketing does it again. Gentlemen Broncos.

I must say, I'm excited to see the boys from FOTC branching out. A clip, if you are not familiar:

(Note: That HBO commercial at the end of the video is a year out of date - so don't worry, you already missed it.)

Freaks!

2008-08-01T23:59:00.000-07:00

1933, is there nothing you can't teach us?

Thanks Internet Archive.

A Devastated America

2008-07-07T10:21:00.000-07:00

Bush Tours America To Survey Damage Caused By His Disastrous Presidency

Thank the gods for The Onion.

Fireworks Day Safety

2008-07-04T09:15:00.000-07:00

Happy Fireworks Day everybody! Since those devilish little explosives can be so dangerous, I thought I'd share a little safety video with you - courtesy of our friends at Red vs. Blue.

The World Is Just Awesome

2008-06-08T13:45:00.001-07:00

I really love this commercial. Go Discovery Channel.

Respek.

2008-06-02T17:02:00.001-07:00

The Only Acceptable Response to a Kansas Joke

2008-05-17T12:47:00.001-07:00

When you tell people you are from Kansas, they often respond with some pretty stupid comments. Among the worst are those derived from "The Wizard of Oz." It is never funny. Rob Riggle (The Daily Show) demonstrates that for us here on The Jeannie Tate Show, which is quite funny in its own right. I would definitely recommend checking out the other episodes.

Anyway, around 4:53 into this thing the shit goes down. Riggle provides a textbook response.

HT: UCBcomedy.com

Public Domain Image of the Day

2008-05-17T11:00:00.001-07:00

You know he's a good doctor on account of the big bucket o' pills.

public-domain.zorger.com

The Internet Has Funny

2008-05-17T10:01:00.000-07:00

This is what you watch now.

The Michael Showalter Showalter:

Mr. Showalter (of The State, Stella, and Wet Hot American Summer) has himself a little program over at CollegeHumor.com. It takes the form of a talk show, with spliced in "off-camera" bits. The above video features a young Andy Samberg. Other guests have included Michael Cera, Paul Rudd, David Cross, Jack McBrayer, Michael Ian Black, David Wain and Zach Galifianakis. Watch them.
_____________________________________________________________________________________

Clark and Michael:

Michael Cera ("Superbad" and "Arrested Development") and his best friend Clark Duke bring us Clark and Michael - a story about the two friends' attempt to get their show on tv. The series clocks in at ten episodes, at about ten minutes per episode. The series picks up steam as it goes along, so give it a chance if it doesn't resonate with you right away. I hope this doesn't represent the beginning and the end of this show - I'd come back for more. Here is a little preview for the show, which should give you an idea of what you're missing:

Giggles.

Corndogs Unchained

2008-04-19T14:49:00.000-07:00

This is from a now canceled AdultSwim program entitled 12 oz. Mouse. I absolutely loved this show - and was apparently one of about 30 people who felt that way. Anyway, groove on this.

4 Popped-Collars Cool

2008-02-20T19:32:00.000-08:00

Please forgive this post - I was merely attempting to show this picture to a friend, so I posted it here. Don't hold it against me.

Weekend Update with Norm Macdonald . . . Almost.

2007-11-18T00:16:00.000-08:00

In what I consider a sweet pickup, SuperDeluxe has added Norm Macdonald to their roster of talent. Norm is doing an animated news show, called The Fake News. Below is the first episode of the show. I think it's okay, but I'm hoping that things will pick up as Norm starts to find his groove. I'll definitely keep watching.

Norm joins the likes of Bob Odenkirk, whose work on SuperDeluxe has been highlighted in this blog before.

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

2007-11-17T11:26:00.000-08:00

I have just discovered a called Garth Marenghi's Darkplace, and it is probably the best 6 episode show I have ever seen. I first saw the show on adultswim.com, and at the time I thought it was an adultswim production. In fact, it originally aired in the UK back in 2004. All of the episodes are available on youtube, and adultswim is continuing to air them.
Matthew Holness (second from right in the photo) plays Garth Marenghi, a horror writer. Garth wrote, directed and starred as Dr. Rick Dagless in Garth Marenghi's Darkplace, which was supposed to have originally aired in the 1980's. Now the show has been resurrected by the network, and spruced up with commentary from Marenghi, and two other members of the cast. Marenghi is a very David Brent-esque type of character - so you'll probably like this show more if you think that's funny. The show features a lot of intentionally bad acting and editing, which are all pretty enjoyable. A few of my favorite features of this show are:

that all the characters seem to carry guns, even though they are doctors working in a hospital
the male characters thoroughly berate the lone female character, frequently driving her to tears
Dr. Dagless inexplicably drives a Knight Rider style golf cart around the hospital grounds

After just moments of watching the show, I thought that there was something familiar about Marenghi/Dr. Dagless. It turns out that he played the computer geek in an episode of BBC's The Office, which he was quite good in. I have included the show intro to Darkplace (which I think are pretty funny on their own), and a clip from The Office.

The Show Intro:

A clip of Darkplace star, Matthew Holness, as the "computer geek" from BBC's The Office:

Comics For The Mathematically-Minded

2007-11-16T10:37:00.000-08:00

Below are a selection of web comics I enjoy, specifically focusing on math related entries. You've got to be smart and funny to keep us coming back. (Click on each for the full size version)

The Perry Bible Fellowship (previously honored in this blog)

xkcd - A webcomic of romance, sarcasm, math, and language.

Dinosaur Comics

Public Domain Image Of The Day

2007-11-15T22:55:00.001-08:00

Dugong. Pretty much says it all.

[Old Book Illustrations]

What Could Go Wrong?

2007-11-15T22:23:00.003-08:00

Read it.

[HT:The Onion]

Welcome to Parodyland

2007-11-15T10:44:00.000-08:00

So, I have been watching some trusty Mr. Show episodes recently, and last night I watched one of my all time favorites: the Mr. Show Lost Episode. In this episode, they perform what is probably one of my all time favorite tv show parodies, with the "Altered State of Druggachusettes" sketch. Here it is for your enjoyment (btw, if some readers out there still don't have audio, then I apologize for all these video posts - we'll work on that):

Now, this was a parody of Sid and Marty Crofft's HR Pufnstuf. Now, I have acquired all the HR Pufnstuf episodes, and in my personal opinion, it sucks. That show is basically only good for parody and nostalgia. Anyway, here is a clip of the show intro, so you can get a feel for what it was like:

Now I wonder, noble readers, what are your favorite tv show parodies? If you can find video clips of them, please post them in the comments.

Medical Miracle: Man Lives Thanks To Heart Stolen From Dead Man

2007-11-13T16:14:00.001-08:00

Medical Miracle: Man Lives Thanks To Heart Stolen From Dead Man

Start your day with our morning show, Today Now! Join hosts Jim and Tracy as they welcome Dave Portman, a real-life Frankenstein's monster. (From The Onion)
_____________________________________________________________________

Excuse the dearth of posts recently, it has been a busy time - I'll try to get back on the wagon soon.

Do You Understand This Blog?

2007-11-04T13:27:00.000-08:00

[HT: Look At This...]

Confirmed: I Missed Jury Duty

2007-11-02T21:24:00.001-07:00

A while back I noted that I may have missed jury duty, but thought that I was in the clear.

I was wrong.

Today I received a letter from the city/county informing me that I had ten days to contact them with my reason for missing. Amazingly, I managed to not procrastinate on this at all, and called them up today. Honesty being the best policy, I informed them that I forgot to check on my day. The clerk didn't seem to care. Now I have to go in on November 13th to make it up. It should be fun - and I know I'll be there because I can't afford to miss it (money-wise or jail-wise).

Happy Candy Day!

2007-10-31T21:41:00.000-07:00

19 | Funny Cartoons at JibJab | Funny Pictures at JibJab

I apologize that this video doesn't fit quite right, but I think you get the message.

FreeRice Update

2007-10-25T15:02:00.000-07:00

Last week I posted links to several games that I like to play online. FreeRice is definitely one of the better games. Anyway, what I didn't realize was that FreeRice had just been started about two weeks before my post. Anyway, they've started to release the daily totals of donated rice, and I've got to say I'm impressed. I did a quick search to find out how much a grain of rice weighs, and found this (from here):

Rice grains vary widely. Mostly they weight 20-30 mg, although experimental breeding has produced them as large as 78 mg.

So, let's use 25mg per grain. How much has been donated so far? Let's look at the totals:

Total Donations by Day

Date	Grains of Rice
7 October 2007	830
8 October 2007	5,670
9 October 2007	76,020
10 October 2007	287,960
11 October 2007	4,584,100
12 October 2007	3,541,350
13 October 2007	3,194,630
14 October 2007	4,343,350
15 October 2007	6,403,920
16 October 2007	6,645,520
17 October 2007	12,157,010
18 October 2007	26,703,160
19 October 2007	40,373,060
20 October 2007	16,175,550
21 October 2007	13,276,900
22 October 2007	26,881,930
23 October 2007	30,423,770
24 October 2007	37,670,700
	__________
	232,745,430

So, 232,745,430 grains x 25 mg = 5,818,635,750 mg, or 5,818,635.75 grams, or 5,818.64 kg. Not a bad haul over three weeks.

How many people will this feed? As of right now, I don't have numbers to use to answer that. I'll try and figure that out later. If anyone has the answer, or disagrees with the rice grain weight used, let me know.

I'd also like to point out that my first post on this was on the 19th, which also recorded the highest daily donation total so far. I'm going to go ahead and take credit for that - and pass some along to you. Way to go!

Jimmy Wales = Creepy Eyes

2007-10-24T17:45:00.000-07:00

Let me start off by saying that I absolutely love Wikipedia. I'm a compulsive user, and I edit every now and again. Regardless of what its critics may say, I still think the site is the best source of information on the internet Because of this, I'm quite grateful to the site's founder, Jimmy Wales. That being said, I need to point out that Jimmy Wales has creepy eyes.

Wikipedia is currently soliciting donations via a banner that appears at the top of every page on the site. Contained within the banner is a link to a 3 minute video featuring the site's founder. It raises some very valid points, and I suggest you watch it (give it at least 11 seconds). Here is the video for your enjoyment, below are my thoughts.

What really caught my attention were the two close-up shots of Jimbo's eyes. The first time it happened, it scared the shit out of me. However, the second time it seemed oddly familiar. But seriously, I cannot figure out why they did that. The zoom on the hands was infinitely less creepy. If they absolutely had to zoom on his eyes, couldn't they have had him looking in a different direction? Did he have to be staring right at us? While this is a minor issue (which I'm probably blowing out of proportion), I certainly came away from the video thinking most about those eyes (hence this post), which probably isn't a good thing. Am I the only one creeped out by those eyes?

Kansas: Kicking Ass For The Environment

2007-10-20T13:05:00.000-07:00

A New York Times article from today turned me on to something pretty cool:

A Kansas regulator has turned down a permit for a large coal-fired power plant solely because of the global warming gases it would emit. Opponents of the plant say this is the first instance of a regulatory agency’s rejecting a permit for that reason alone.

What I liked even more was the quote from Roderick L. Bremby, the secretary of the Kansas Department of Health and Environment, who said this:

I believe it would be irresponsible to ignore emerging information about the contribution of carbon dioxide and other greenhouse gases to climate change and the potential harm to our environment and health if we do nothing.

Party on, Secretary Bremby. Party on.

Of course, Kansas has good cause to worry about global warming. There is no way the state could handle many more tornadoes. And, with record setting tornado numbers for the past 7 years, Kansas has a lot to fear. Anti-tornado technology simply may not be able to out-compete global warming in the battle for the heartland.

Bored? Play A Game And Be Productive.

2007-10-19T18:01:00.001-07:00

I spend a lot of time on the internet. Sometimes, I am actively searching for a way to kill time. At these times, I like to go to sites that turn a useful activity into something of a game. There are three sites I would recommend checking out if you are ever in this situation:

Free Rice. This site turns a vocabulary test into charity. You are presented with a word, and four possible definitions. For every word you get right, they donate 10 grains of rice to a hungry person through international aid agencies. I played for about 3 minutes, and donated 300 grains of rice. The game also has a built in level system to keep the words at the fringe of your vocabulary. For every word you get wrong, you decrease a level, and you advance after 3 correct words. I have been hovering around at level 42, out of 50 possible levels (the FAQ says it is rare to get above 48 - take that as a challenge).
The ESP Game - Labeling the Web. This game matches you up with another random player, and presents you both with the same image. You both are supposed to start typing in words to describe the image, and some images have taboo words (usually really obvious descriptors). You and your partner advance to the next image after you both enter the same word. The goal of this game is to label all the images on the internet. By doing it through this game, they manage to assign the most probable and useful labels to all the images. This game is fun, but the rounds are timed, and it is more challenging than you might think.
The Galaxy Zoo. This is the least like a game, but I still think it is fun. This site takes lots of deep space images of galaxies that need to be categorized. You have to start by going through a short training exercise that teaches you the classification scheme. Once you pass the training test, then you set to work. There are some amazing images of huge spiral galaxies and other objects. This site does keep track of your work, so I guess that is sort of like a point system.

So, like I said, if you are going to kill some time, you may as well do some good.

How Best To Care For Paranoid Schizophrenics

2007-10-18T14:59:00.000-07:00

In The Know: Is The Government Spying On Paranoid

On The Road To A Dyson Sphere?

2007-10-16T09:10:00.000-07:00

The Pentagon's National Security Space Office suggested in a recent report that collecting solar energy in space and then beaming it back to Earth could be an effective solution to our foreign energy dependence (To learn more read this article, and read the report here). While the report was focused more on security issues and military applications, I think this suggests an important step for humanity. If science fiction writers and futurologists are worth anything, this could be our first move towards a Dyson Sphere. A Dyson Sphere is basically a megastructure that surrounds a star, capturing all of its energy output. Its creator, Freeman Dyson, believed that these spheres would be a natural long-term step in the survival of a technologically advanced species. And, while this sort of technology is clearly a long way off, I think it is significant that we are seriously beginning to consider going into space to collect energy.

I guess before we even consider building a Dyson Sphere, we ought to get that Space Elevator up and running. And, that should be easy, right?

UPDATE: I've been meaning to post something about MIT's recent "wireless electricity" news, and just haven't gotten around to it. This seems like an appropriate a place as any to drop something in. Of course, for it to work with a Dyson Sphere, the "WiTricity" would have to be able to transmit through the vacuum of space, which I'm sure presents its own difficulties. But, it's either that, a super-long extension cord, or giant batteries.

Blog Action Day - Not Over Yet

2007-10-15T22:40:00.000-07:00

Today was Blog Action Day, a movement to bring focus to the environment on this specific day, October 15, 2007. Since I pretty much forgot about this until now, I didn't have a topic picked out to write about. However, just yesterday I was curious what my carbon footprint was. So, I did a Google search designed to calculate my carbon footprint, and looked at the top three results.

The top result is the calculator on the Inconvenient Truth website. According to this calculator, I produce 1 ton of carbon emissions a year, which is much smaller than the US average of 7.5 tons.
The second result is a calculator provided by the EU. However, this "calculator" only tells you how much you could reduce your output if you agree to certain actions. Therefore, this calculator was of no help to me.
Finally, we come to the calculator at What's My Carbon Footprint? This calculator starts by calculating your current output, and then going through a list of possible improvements like the EU site does, and tells you how you can do better. After I entered my data in this calculator, it returned a result of NaN. This makes me think that I'm not even producing enough carbon to register with these guys, or that their calculator is not nearly sensitive enough for individuals like me.

Conclusions: If you want to calculate your current footprint, go with 1 or 3. My guess is that the Inconvenient Truth calculator overestimates, the What's My Carbon Footprint underestimates, or both. Either way, I'm doing okay, but I'm trying to do better. I haven't taken a taxi in close to a year, virtually eliminating car travel from my life (hometown visits being the remaining exception). Now I focus on using my lights as little as possible, and cutting down on my hot water usage. What are you doing to help?

I Missed Jury Duty

2007-10-11T22:00:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm not entirely sure that I missed it. But, I failed to open my jury notice until after the week that I was on duty. You see, San Francisco has a system where there are 10 groups of jurors on notice for a given week. Each day of that week, you are supposed to check the website to see if your group is supposed to report in. After I realized I missed it, I went to the website, but was unable to tell whether my group had been called earlier in the week. Now, I'll have a terrible wait... Will a ticket show up in mailbox? Or will a warrant be issued for my arrest?

Likely not. But, that would suck.

Here is what the San Francisco Government website has to say about it:

Failure to Respond to a Jury Summons
If you fail to appear, you will be subject to a fine or imprisonment pursuant to section 209 of the california code of civil procedure. Section 209 requires the Jury Commissioner to pursue non-respondents. If you receive a Notice of Failure to Appear, you must contact the Jury Office at 415-551-3608 within 10 business days to reschedule your service or to explain why you cannot serve as a juror.

Let's just hope I spot the Notice of Failure to Appear if I get one.

Évariste Galois - Proving Mathematically That You Can Be Dead By 21

2007-10-08T22:39:00.000-07:00

Chances are Galois is one of the most amazing people you have never heard of. The early 19 th century French mathematician led a short but substantial life. By the age of 20 he had surpassed such famous mathematicians as Legendre and Fourier in terms of ingenuity in the field, and his work still forms the foundation of modern abstract algebra.

However, by the age of 21, he was dead. He died in a duel, possibly over a lover. It begs the question, if Galois was so smart, why did he challenge his killer to a duel? Why wouldn't he just use his mental prowess to commit murder in some undetectable way? Is this a case for book vs. street smarts?

We could point to many people today who attempt to kill others (and succeed) without putting their lives in jeopardy. Undoubtedly, the majority of these people could not evaluate a permutation let alone be the first to conceptualize a new field of mathematics from it. They do, however, manage to stay alive.

Did Galois simply lack street smarts?

Or, perhaps, honor is simply on the decline?

(Note: This post was penned by my good friend, The Loble. If we are lucky, this won't be the last.)

Panama Canal Time Lapse Video

2007-10-07T19:37:00.000-07:00

Who doesn't enjoy some time lapse photography every now and then? An interesting note: the bridge seen at the end, the Bridge of the Americas, is one of two major bridges crossing the canal (the other being the Centennial Bridge). Both bridges play an important part in the Pan-American Highway, which is a system of highways intended to all the mainland nations in the Americas. According to The Guinness Book of World Records, the Pan-American Highway is the world's longest "motorable road" (according to Wikipedia, of course). Now I just need to find a time lapse of someone driving from one end of the Pan-American Highway to the other. Any volunteers?

The Perry Bible Fellowship

2007-10-06T19:28:00.001-07:00

I love the offbeat comic strips produced over at The Perry Bible Fellowship. Here are a couple of my favorites:

Teacher Interview

Magic Eyes

Deep Space Eyeball

2007-10-06T18:00:00.001-07:00

Tell me this doesn't look like a giant blue eye. Seriously, just try to tell me that. In fact, it is the Helix Nebula.

This image came from a kickass collection over at the HubbleSite Gallery.

Prefab House on a Pole

2007-10-06T16:37:00.000-07:00

After my recent post about the semi-submerged aquatic habitat, I started thinking about other interesting dwellings that I would like to live in. Then I recalled having seen this a month or two back: Single Hauz, from Front Architects of Poland (their homepage is in Polish). The Single Hauz looks like this:

I figure you could chain up a Jelly-fish 45 to one of these, and then cut it loose whenever you need to "get away."

Read more about this this at Wired, BLDG BLG, and Gizmodo.

What a Badass

2007-10-06T10:43:00.000-07:00

In an article from FOXnews.com:

LONDON — He was hit by a car in America, attacked by a crocodile in Australia, detained as a suspected spy in Egypt and had his boat capsize in the Atlantic. On Saturday British adventurer Jason Lewis finally came home, completing a 13-year, 46,000-mile (74,000-kilometer) human-powered circumnavigation of the globe.

This guy used a pedal-powered boat for the majority of his ocean crossings. It was around 26 feet long, and looked like this:

Awesome Picture

2007-10-06T01:05:00.001-07:00

How to Sleep 4 Hours per Night

2007-10-06T00:32:00.000-07:00

I have always wished that I could be one of those people who could subsist on just a few hours of sleep per night, and seem to be unaffected. That is why I was so intrigued by this article from Discover, which states:

The technique, transcranial magnetic stimulation, involves an electromagnetic coil that emits pulses of skull-penetrating, neuron-activating magnetic energy....previous studies have indicated that TMS applied at certain frequencies during sleep can improve memory. Even more intriguing, says Tononi, “there is the possibility that if you have particularly intense slow waves” like the ones the machine induces, “you may be able to do with less sleep.

However, the article also states that this technology is a long way off. So, I guess I'll just have to keep on sleeping the old fashioned way.

Are Our Children Learning Enough About Whales?

2007-10-05T23:47:00.000-07:00

In The Know: Are Our Children Learning Enough About Whales?
This reminds me a lot of a sketch from the third season of Upright Citizens Brigade from Comedy Central. It was about dolphin-centric testing, and it was hilarious. Unfortunately, I was unable to find a clip of it online, and I don't have the software to edit down the episode. If you know where I can get that software for free, please let me know.

Help! Mom! The 9th Circuit Nabbed the Nativity!

2007-10-05T12:20:00.000-07:00

I saw this on The Daily Show, and now I kind of want to buy it:

This company publishes a couple of other conservative themed kids books. But, seeing as how I live so close to the 9th Circuit, this one really speaks to me. Of course, John Oliver's proposals were quite a bit funnier, "Help! Mom! The Liberals Gutted the Patriot Act and Now There's A Suitcase Bomb Under My Bed!" and "Heather Had Two Mommies - Now Heather's A Prostitute" and "Casper, The Third Trimester Aborted Ghost." Now those are some kids books.

I Want To Live Here:

2007-10-05T10:10:00.000-07:00

This is the Jelly-fish 45 underwater habitat. It can house up to 6 people on 4 levels. The top three levels are above sea level, while the bottom level is semi-submerged. You are supposed to chain these things up in a bay or a marine park - but I'd like to see someone live in one out at sea. I'm sure this wasn't designed to handle that, so they might need to toughen the habitat up a bit. And, I guess you'd end up starving to death or something if you were just afloat upon the waves indefinitely. So, you'd probably want to equip it with some sort of propulsion system. And a garden. And a way to get drinkable water. Then it would be awesome. Buy one here for only $2.5 million. There are a couple other cool habitats there as well, and a bunch of submersibles. [HT: Neatorama]

Think You Are Tough?

2007-10-04T15:49:00.000-07:00

I'll bet this guy would disagree with you.

Image from this site.

248 Dimensions In Your Face!

2007-10-03T20:23:00.001-07:00

This is the graphic representation of an abstract 248-dimensional structure, described thusly in a Discover Magazine article:

After 120 years of puzzling, mathematicians have mapped out the most complex abstract structure ever conceived, a 248-dimensional representation called the Lie group E8, first predicted in 1887 by Norwegian math genius Sophus Lie. A major theoretical triumph, the result may also hold the key to a unified theory of physics.

Pretty trippy, right? If you want to get more in depth with this, you can visit this site.

I Hate Fleet Week

2007-10-02T23:08:00.000-07:00

Do you see this? Do you know what this means?

This means Fleet Week here in San Francisco. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not against the "celebration of the men and women of our armed forces." What I'm against is all the damn jet flying that is going to be happening. I recall last year - it doesn't matter if you shut your windows, you can't block out the sound. It might be fun to see them once during the week, but you have to hear them much more than that. Blue Angels think they are so cool.

You know, your Spanish is pretty good...

2007-10-02T22:58:00.000-07:00

Huh.

I totally miss Sealab.

Creepy Argentinian Monster

2007-10-02T22:27:00.000-07:00

Louis Feuillée (1660-1732) scientifically described many South American plants for the first time. He also described a monster born of a ewe that he was permitted to see in Buenos Aires:

The monster which is shown in the figure appeared in Buenos Aires on August 26. The contrast of three resemblances which it had, that of a child, a horse, and a calf, surprised all who saw it. I asked the person who showed it to me if I could examine it in order to describe it faithfully, but he never allowed me to do this. I examined it from quite close and drew its principal traits without his noticing. As soon as I returned to my room, having all the information about the monster vividly in my memory, it furnished what was missing from the drawing. I completed it and represented it in its natural color.

"A Monster Born of a Ewe". In: "Journal des Observations Physiques, Mathematiques et Botaniques ...." by Louis Feuillee, 1660-1732. Published in 1714. P. 242. Library Call Number Q115 .F43 1714.

Information from Wikipedia, and the photo is from the NOAA Photo Archives.

Dangers of Kansas

2007-10-02T19:12:00.000-07:00

After my recent post about the nature of tornadoes in Kansas, I decided that it would be a good kickoff to a new series: Dangers of Kansas. This series will cover a broad range of topics - from natural occurrences to human events.

A notable problem associated with the human population in Kansas is a psychological disorder, most commonly known as "flatland hysteria." Several other terms are frequently used, such as "the plain crazies," and "prairie madness." However, the modern usage of "prairie madness" should not be confused with past usages, such as the one described here.

Today, this illness usually manifests itself in one of two ways:

The first is an intense, euphoric mania. It is characterized by severely blurred vision, rosacea, and an almost total inability to sleep or stop vibrating.
The second involves more of a stupor. It is accompanied by apocalyptic visions, unhappy orifice, and of course, excessive number three.

The illness appears to some degree in around 20% of the Kansas population. However, this number has been on a steady rise over the past 30 years, and it has researchers concerned. Some evolutionary biologists have suggested that the modern form of of flatland hysteria is a genetic artifact of the original prairie madness, as historically, those who were considered the most "mad," were also those who were most likely to risk the long venture across the vast, deadly wasteland to find a mate. No matter what the origins of the illness, there can be no doubt that it poses a serious threat to the political, economic, and human health of the State of Kansas.

Makes sense...

2007-10-01T21:42:00.001-07:00

Do You Trust Your Local Meat Dealer?

2007-10-01T20:36:00.000-07:00

Do you trust your local meat dealer? Heck, do you even know your local meat dealer? If you are like me, you don't know him, and you damn sure don't trust him. Which brings me to my concern:

The thoughts this brings to my mind are horrifying. To think, all a terrorist operation would have to do would be to operate several local meat merchants, and then they would have all the explosives they need. This is why I am calling on all Americans to be sure and dispose of their waste fats the American way: yourself. Don't let anything get between you and your waste fats - especially not some shifty-eyed meat dealer.

My New Glacier

2007-09-30T02:08:00.000-07:00

Well, it isn't actually mine. But, the pictured glacier was recently named after me. This was done because I saved it from "glacier harvesters," which is something of a cross between a poacher of endangered species and a rainforest arsonist.

It's located in Glacier Bay, Alaska. As you can see, it's a real mammoth. It crushes a dozen boats a year on average, with its record-setting calving. It has produced 5 out of the 10 largest icebergs currently floating in Earth's oceans. It is also thought to be responsible for causing some massive tsunamis discovered in the fossil record, and there is serious scientific concern that another such disaster could cause catastrophic damage today, especially when considering the large numbers of oil tankers and nuclear vessels that use the nearby waters. Look out Man, Mother Nature isn't taking anymore shit from you.

To learn more, visit the National Snow and Ice Data Center's page about glaciers, or visit the National Park Service's site about Glacier Bay National Park and Preserve.

Tornadoes are no joke.

2007-09-30T00:59:00.001-07:00

I know that it is very fashionable these days to joke about tornadoes. I hear kids at the mall throwing around the term "F5" like it means nothing at all. Well it does mean something - just ask anyone from Kansas (as am I). Kansans face the threat of deadly tornadoes every single day of their lives. For many residents, it isn't financially feasible to live in a solid-frame house. The constant devastation has driven many poor dirt-farmers to simply live in cheap tee-pees, pitched directly over the entrance to a deep underground tornado shelter. Most Kansans will spend roughly 35% of their lives in some sort of tornado shelter - or will die trying to get there. So, the next time you hear someone make some flippant comment about tornadoes, you set them straight. You tell them: Tornadoes are no joke.

Suck on that, Grandpa!

2007-09-29T21:30:00.000-07:00

You know, sometimes I find Post Secret to be kind of depressing - but not always:

Public Domain Image of the Day

2007-09-29T21:17:00.001-07:00

Sweet whale drawing from the NOAA Photo Library.

Sweet Tits

2007-09-29T19:00:00.000-07:00

So, if you haven't checked out Derek & Simon: The Show on SuperDeluxe.com, you are missing out. These little shorts are good, and I've embedded one of my favorites here, featuring Michael Cera from Arrested Development, and is produced by Bob Odenkirk(imdb). Enjoy this.

Who here has read Flowers for Algernon?

2007-09-29T16:59:00.000-07:00

Boosh!

Absolutely Terrifying

2007-09-29T13:20:00.001-07:00

So, I was just playing around on this site, Pictaps, and the result was pretty scary:

This is what happens when you rush, so if you make one, take your time.

I've learned that...

2007-09-29T11:47:00.000-07:00

Gay guys love karate, but, they are so unpredictable for, like, when they're gonna use it...
If you open your heart and help people, they're eventually going to try to stab you to death...
For some reason, people bring tomatoes to AIDS rallies, which is weird...
Orange cough syrup can make your car fly...
Whether your gay, or bisexual, it doesn't matter, you know, because at the end of the day, they're both gross...
Everyone has a hole in their heart to fill, but you can't fill it will a kid, cause they'll just stomp on it and stretch it out and make it impossible to fill in the future...
Kids are dicks...
Elderly black women are wise beyond their years, but younger black women are prostitutes...?

Watch The Sarah Silverman Program - it's worth it. New season starts Wednesday, October 3, 10:30pm/9:30c on Comedy Central.

Introducing...

2007-09-20T21:16:00.001-07:00

A blog that will rarely, if ever, be posted in. Sadly, I'm not sure I have it in me. But, if I ever change my mind, I'll have a nice warm page waiting for me.