Dangers of Kansas

After my recent post about the nature of tornadoes in Kansas, I decided that it would be a good kickoff to a new series: Dangers of Kansas. This series will cover a broad range of topics - from natural occurrences to human events.

A notable problem associated with the human population in Kansas is a psychological disorder, most commonly known as "flatland hysteria." Several other terms are frequently used, such as "the plain crazies," and "prairie madness." However, the modern usage of "prairie madness" should not be confused with past usages, such as the one described here.

Today, this illness usually manifests itself in one of two ways:

• The first is an intense, euphoric mania. It is characterized by severely blurred vision, rosacea, and an almost total inability to sleep or stop vibrating.
• The second involves more of a stupor. It is accompanied by apocalyptic visions, unhappy orifice, and of course, excessive number three.
  

The illness appears to some degree in around 20% of the Kansas population. However, this number has been on a steady rise over the past 30 years, and it has researchers concerned. Some evolutionary biologists have suggested that the modern form of of flatland hysteria is a genetic artifact of the original prairie madness, as historically, those who were considered the most "mad," were also those who were most likely to risk the long venture across the vast, deadly wasteland to find a mate. No matter what the origins of the illness, there can be no doubt that it poses a serious threat to the political, economic, and human health of the State of Kansas.